My demon, my companion, just me

So i tries painting in the dark, I found the demon inside me, it was looking at me like from a mirror , i got him out with my brushes and my cry and look, here he is, my evil demon trying to get me from the page in front of me, so wierd how i got every single detail, like my lip mole, its him who doesnt let me sleep, its him who doesnt let me walk in the dark and makes me scared of my own soul, my head, my thoughts, its him who whispers fears into my stupid ear… what do you want i say fuck off just go and let me be, but nooooo, he doesnt want to, he tricks me, he angers me, he makes me yell and cry and beg for silence, just a moment of sweet silence in my head, away from all the nonsense.

And then again he softly whispers “Sandu is dead” “Sandu is dead” he said it so many times it doesnt even mean anything anymore, maybe he’s scared
I’m thinking, do you remember when you said how you were meditating and you heard a voice that woke you from your dream, i think it was me 🙋🏻‍♀️ SANDU WHAT ARE YOU DOING???? you heard the voice, it’s me !!! It was me all along…

I have to go now i’m scared again, i will listen to some meaningless meditation on my phone, it seems the only way i can go to sleep nowadays…

Maybe my demon is Not me but… you…

ps: I still forgot to make my blog look beautiful and neat, but maybe blog is not a word for me, maybe it’s just the way i am, i start a lot of things and finish none… well … almost none